You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
