he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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