i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
