ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
