This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
