Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
