She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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