Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
