My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
