Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
