Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
