as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
