You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Congratulations! We have a period
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