How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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