i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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