I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
