im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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