my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How external is "for external use only"?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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