Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
