I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
