How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
