It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
