Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
