I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sorry about my life...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
