How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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