Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
