I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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