It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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