trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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