Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
