just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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