I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
