Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my liver is dry heaving
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
