call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
