you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
