Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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