We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
