just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
