dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
