are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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