The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
