Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
