Cold hands, warm shart.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
