My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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