think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i now understand why vodka
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
