you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
