Don't you send me to vm
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
