Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
