He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
