okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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