i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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