My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
