You're so nebulous sometimes
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
