I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
