you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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