Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
