she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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