If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
