I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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