At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
