the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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