I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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