I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
