Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
