so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love you. Go after that dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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