I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
