My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
